1t 11:35 a.m., 5 miles east past Cedar Junction on South Virginia Route 3 I came across a bag of weed. I pulled over a blue sedan around 6 miles west of Jackson Hollow because it was the only car I could find. Driver, appeared to be between 10-12 years old but provided a valid handmade driver's license and crayon issued registration.
Around 12:02 pm, I radioed in for Ralph to pick me up a box of Banana-Rama Donuts and Two Spider-Man Popsicles. I specifically told ralph if he wanted a Spider-Man popsicle to order his own. The two popsicles I ordered did not include one for him. When I got pack to the station house, one of my popsicles was missing and Ralph was playing with a popsicle stick. When questioned Ralph stated that I had ordered one for me and one for him. I was appalled. The Banana-Rama Donuts were up to par, however.
At 2:17 p.m. I found an old lady who I was sure owned the bag of weed that I found on the road. I threw her in jail. She said she was 86. I informed her that she had my condolences for spending her twilight years incarcerated for a misdemeanor. Laws are broken by choice.
At 2:18 p.m. Sarge released the old lady at which point I understood why the media is so critical of the system.
At 2:37 p.m. I arrested a man I was convinced was Benito Mussolini. I was absolutely convinced. After being elated at such a high-profile collar, I realized I was mistaken and fined the man $50 for something or other.
At 2:52 p.m. I heard rap music and radioed in for backup. When troopers DeWalt and Duntz arrived on the scene they informed me the music I had heard was "atonal jazz" and not rap music. Upon further listening to the "atonal jazz" which went on to sound like foot steps and roach attennae scraping against lampshades, we realized that such music is that of perpetrators and arrested a man or woman claiming to be a spoken word activist. Another one of society's thorns professionally pruned by the state police.
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