Welcome to Afterpants, South Virginia!

Welcome to Afterpants, South Virginia! from Character Dogville on Vimeo.

Yogic Flying may not be for Everyone but it is REAL!

It has come to my attention that many people (especially Amelia) do not believe that yogic flying can really happen. But I am here to tell you that it is very real and I've done it.

I had my first dream of yogic flying five years ago. As many of you know, I am from Eminence, KY so I had never even thought of doin' yoga moreless yogic flying. Heck I didn't even know what it was at first. I just thought I'd had a few too many Whiskey Sours. I mentione dit to my brother and he threw rocks at me so that's when I decided to look it up on the internet.

Not only is it REAL but there's a whole school dedicated to it - The Mahrishi Institute in Fairfield, Iowa. Here's a picture of his holiness, Maharishi Yogi. I just love that guy!!!

I went to that college for 2 years before I got kicked out for being a glutton. But I showed them! Just last week with the help of my friend Manny Del'Gonquin in MiddleVillage. I was set free and flew for the first time in all my life. Now I am changed forever!!!

Now that I have made this change my next course of action is to turn the MiddleVillage Javits Center into a Peace Palace for Yogic Flying meditation. That way everyone in MiddleVillage can be as happy as I am :-)

If you'd like to learn more about yogic flying check out http://permanentpeace.org/technology/yogic_flying.html

-Smilda Layne Taylor Coots

Press Opening

Character Dogville Press Opening from Character Dogville on Vimeo.

Photos by Lance Geurriere

Rapper's Delight

Professor Damrosch, Chuck Norris, Vice Principal Jones, and Sealegs McGoo step up to the mic.

Chuck Norris's Recent Film Resume

Oh my God, y'all, Chuck Norris here, ready to rock 'em, sock 'em, and mop 'em.

I thought all y'all fans out there might not of heard of my some my recent filmwork.

Here it is, y'all:

• Police Academy 12: Douchebags on Patrol
• Rocky Vs. Chuck Norris: Chuck Wins!*
• Lorenzo's Oil 2: Chuck Norris Steps It Up a Notch
• Star Trek 17: Chuck Norris Fights That Bald Space Dude, Y'all Know Who
• The Do's and Don't's of Christianity*
• Ghandi vs. Stalin*
• I Got A Thing About Seeing My Children Grow Old: The Cat Stevens Story, Starring Chuck Norris as Cat Stevens and Yusuf Islam.
• Pringles: The Fever for the Flavor The Movie
• Chuck Norris vs. Richard Dawson: Faith, Reason, and A Roundhouse Kick
  
• Invasion USA 6: Cocaine's Revenge
• Chuck Norris on a Motorcycle 7: Ladies Ride for Free

*I shot this in my basement, y'all.

Opinion: Jameson Bartleby, The Town Ghost

Someone please explain to me why people bring baby strollers into the grocery store? As if the grocery carts didn't take up enough space.

I ran into a C-Town the other day to pick up some graham crackers and five of the lanes are packed with strollers. It was like "Daddy Day Care" all over again. Then I had to stand in line with the Mormon Toddler Tabernacle Choir performing a rendition of Ashokan Farewell while the incompetent parents tried to smash their infant sized SUV's through the express aisle. It was enough to wake the dead. And I should know, I've been deceased for over 400 hundred years.

Here's what I say: If you can't teach your kids to walk, then don't have them. Seriously.

FACT: Did you know that the very iPods we enjoy today rely on technology invented by pelicans? Perhaps that's why iPods are frequently called, "The Pelican's Whistle." DID YOU KNOW?

Happy Veteran's Day

A day to honor veterans of the fight for gay rights. That means you, Petunia. And you too, Papa Bear. And of course Bill Evans. While I am not of homosexual persuasion, I am cognizant that human sexuality is a spectrum, like the rainbow; how poignant the symbol of the cause now seems. Personally, I would fall along a red-orange hue. Right, Professor Damrosch? (see photo below) We must never forget to honor violet and indigo soldiers!

Hello...I'm SIMON!!!

I have feet and toes. I gace a man in park a kit kat from my pocket so he would make my words goody. He rubbed my helmet with glue...Yayyy!!! he threw me in the sand pit thing where kids play stick ball...now my head is glitters! I think Ahmed should not be sad...cause of...squirrels...and space beams! and burritos...and kitten sounds. Yay! I have to stop now!

Ahmed like woman

I am not from Iraq, please stop saying that. If you look at the way my nose is like a stuffed squash, you would say "tat man is a Lysyrian, born and breaded, it is clear to me now. Clear like desert toilets." Oh yeah..I have tattoo of fig tree where I hid under during the 'shelling of the goats.' So many goats went down to rest with the land mines that day, it give me incontinence. Thick diarrhea will not get me my American wife. I know I will give her free KerriGold cheese coupon that I got from angry nation of Islam guy standing in the Time Square. Who do no like cheese? Ahmed Hillabi

Dear Santa

Dear Santa:

I've been thinking a lot about xmas this year and for the new friends I've made in MiddleVillage. Middlevillage is a special place and I've made a lot of friends. I still miss my parents but Mrs. Puffins has been very nice to me at the orphanage. So this year for xmas I would like for all of my friends to get presents because I have all the wealth I need.

For Mrs. Puffins, I wish a new car because she always seems to be trying to get out of here and maybe she can drive and find more orphans for me to play with.

For Simon, I'd like him to get a new helmet because he seems to be outgrowing his current one.

For Amelia, I'd like her to get a scholarship to college. She seems sad.

For Jim, I'd like him to have a pair of roller skates.

And for The Reverand Lorenzo I would like him to get a bright red sequence top. I think he would look nice in red like you.

And most of all I wish my parents are safe an happy up in heaven.

Love,

Lucy

Professor Bevan Damrosch's Online Classroom

Hi everyone, Professor Damrosch here, your favorite English Professor. How are you?

In keeping with our reading of F. Scott Fitzgerlad's classic The Great Gatsby (What a ride!), I found these links which examine the striking symbolism of the famed "Green Light" at the end of this exemplary example of American Lit. Kudos to the web for these gems!

Novelguide.com

Homework-Online.com

Megaessays.com

I hope everyone gains as much insight as I did when researching this illuminating nugget from Mr. Fitzgerald. As you have guessed this novel reminds me of my own story.

Professor Damrosch's Hot Tip: When reading The Great Gatsby expirement with listening to the Kronos Quartet's rendition of Glass: Dracula. I believe you'll be more than pleasantly elated.

Professor Damrosch out.

Scenes of Loss

Character Dogville: Scenes of Loss from Character Dogville on Vimeo

You Know Who You Remind Me Of?

Character Dogville: You Know Who You Remind Me Of? from Character Dogville on Vimeo.