Dear Students,
This is Vice Principal Jones, your beloved administrator and disciplinarian. Due to the inclement weather the schoolyard is closed for recess today. As a generous concession, in lieu of the recess we will have an all school showing of Jurassic Park in the cafeteria. The movie will commence only after every chicken patty, every lemon square, and every vanilla milk is finished. There is no eating during movies, children. Neither will there be any tolerance granted for talking. If you like something about the movie and wish to tell your friends, do not get excited and start screaming, save your thoughts for the school designated "speaking time." Likewise there will be no bathroom visits during the movie. The movie is a gift from me to you and leaving to relieve yourself would be an insult to my generousity. If you need to go to the bathroom, simply focus on the events of the exciting movie and remember the human bladder can be held for long periods of time. Thank you in advance for being well behaved for the all school showing of Jurassic Park today.
Please note: If you have already seen this movie and speak of its ending to your classmates you be dealt a swift Saturday detention.
Also Please note: After the showing I will have a brief demonstration of my own robot dinosaurs that I once used to hold the governor of Maryland as my prisoner.
See you in the Jurassic Park, students.
Vice Principal Jones
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