In Anticipation of The Golden Compass

Hi Everyone,

Professor Bevan Damrosch here, the cool English Professor. All the rumors are true. How are you?

I'm doing great. "Why?" you might wonder as you sit there chewing on your pencil with chapped lips and curious minds. Well in less than a week a truly great novel, The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman (published in the United Kingdom as The Northern Lights), will premiere as a major motion starring middle aged sex bombs Daniel Craig and Nicole Kidman. (Timothy Dalton must have been busy this time around, so many roles would have been perfect for his roguish good looks; he would have been amazing as John Faa!)

"Why are you so excited about this movie premiere, Professor Damrosch with the wavy hair and nuanced taste?" you might wonder as you sit there tapping your pencil on your slightly dandruffy and oily heads full of mischief and frustration. Well, not only is The Golden Compass an exciting piece of adventure lit, in the spirit of Paradise Lost, with plenty of magical spells, talking polar bears, and cathartic violence (arrows through heads and so on), it was also written by an English teacher.

People often think that English teachers are failed writers who push sexual innuendo into the literary analysis of great works. Another stereotype which has hurt many a feeling. As Mr. Pullman and I, Professor Damrosch, display, this hackneyed perception is not the case. We're capable of writing great literature. Now Mr. Pullman obviously was one of the lucky ones who had some contacts in the publishing world. The rest of us weary souls simply stand by the river hoping opportunity floats our way and that when it passes by we have a long enough tree branch to snag it, drag it to the shore, and have a thirty minute meeting to show off our talent and charm.

I could have done more in my twenties.

For the sake of discussion (and if there are any literary agents out there), here are some of my works (which would make great movies by the way):

There's a Pen in the Pencil Box - A send up of Bev Kaufman's Up The Down Staircase detailing my early frustrations and comedic observations about teaching. This would have been a publishing success if I had completed it.

Moby Dicks - The story of how I was less than impressed by the gentlemen working security at a Moby concert I attended back in '97.

Something Fat This Way Comes - A highly fictional biography about Ray Bradbury written from the point of view of the Illustrated Man.

Great Book! - A compilation of my literary and film reviews that have been posted on the website Amazon.com.

Can You Hear Me Now? - Moved around numerous times because of his parents' occupations, little Brian Damrose copes with making new friends on a regular basis. One day, frustrated with life, he gives up social contact altogether and dives into the world of literature seeking companionship. He then meets a beautiful model and they become very good friends as well enter a steady, healthy, and very exciting relationship full of sharing. Tragedy strikes in the form of cancer which is symbolic of not pursuing one's dreams. As Brian stares into the harbor, a green light blinks. BLINK. BLINK. Blink. blink. blink. blink.